


What Keeps Him Whole

by LightPinkTheColorOfMyAura



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Agender Pidge | Katie Holt, Focused on Lance, Happy Ending, I don't know where this is going honestly, Insecurity, Langst, M/M, Post Season 2, Season 2 spoilers, he's just an anxious mess, spoiler alert support keeps him whole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-06 04:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10325861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightPinkTheColorOfMyAura/pseuds/LightPinkTheColorOfMyAura
Summary: Lance struggles in space. He knows that he is doing good by being part of the Voltron team, but everything is just constantly moving, difficult, and unrelenting. He's tired. He doesn't know what's keeping him going anymore.





	1. The Healing Pod

Another day gone, and the team returned to the castle. They had freed a small planet, with far more soldiers than seemed necessary to subdue and maintain it. It was a bit of a conundrum, but with the battle won and the team taking turns in the healing pod for minor injuries, nobody really bothered to question the oddity. 

Lance looked to where Shiro was standing. The older man was watching a holoscreen with the planet they just liberated displayed. It was still a relief to have him back, even if the team had only been without him for a short time period. After coaxing his quintessence back from the astral plane, the team kept a close watch on the Black Paladin. He was vital for their operations and they couldn't lose him like that again. The younger boy smiled and broke his gaze. He wished he could be that important to the team.

The noise of the healing pod drew his attention away from his thoughts. Hunk was now done healing up a broken wrist. It had taken him nearly three vargas to be released, but broken bones tended to take a bit longer than other injuries. Keith had already been healed, a slight concussion that had taken only ten or fifteen daboshes. And Pidge, although they had worried the entire team with a nasty bruise along their ribcage, had only taken a couple daboshes to be back in shape. 

Allura waited until Hunk had exited the pod completely before turning to Lance. He had been avoiding her, as she was the one directing the paladins to get in the healing pod. "Alright Lance," She spoke, Lance thought she sounded agitated, but she normally did when speaking to him. "You're the last one, then everyone will be healed up."

Lance peeked around the Princess. Logically, he knew that the gash along his waist would heal better, faster, and be less likely to scar if he got in the pod. Logic didn't stop the panic setting in at the mere thought of going back into the pod. He shook his head fervently, "No." He refused. Allura was a bit taken back.

" _Lance_ ," She repeated, her voice indicating that it wasn't a matter of preference. "You need to heal in the pod." His eyes darted around. The rest of the team was starting to notice, and that was something he did  _not_ need to happen. He forced himself to swallow down his panic. A grin spread across his face.

"C'mon, Princess," He drew out, his head falling to the side a bit with a lopsided smile, "It's barely a scratch, are you going to deprive me of my battle scars?" A glance around showed that the others were rolling their eyes and chalking his refusal up to his shenanigans. Allura crossed her arms and pulled her face into a taut look of disapproval.

"That's  _hardly_ appropriate." She chided, "There's no telling what could have been on that blade." Her hand flew out towards where he was gently holding the gash, "For all we know it could have been poisoned or contaminated with any number of pathogens." Her arms returned to a folded position as she waited expectantly. Lance could feel himself getting nervous. If he argued too much, it was going to look downright suspicious. The last think he wanted was to worry the team, or drag them down.

He scoffed. "Listen gorgeous," the boy drawled out slowly, "I get that you're worried about me." His hand waved over himself, "These looks are something to be protected. But I swear to you that I'll look even better with a few scars to show off." He raised an eyebrow at her, "Wouldn't you agree?"

Clearly agitated, Allura snapped, "Your vanity is getting out of hand. I will not allow you to put yourself, and subsequently the  _team_ in danger because you think a scar will enhance your  _physical appearance_." Lance's panic was full-blown. Allura was angry at him, the team was once again looking at them, and he had been unable to convince them that he would be fine without the pod. Allura's voice cut through his panic like a searing hot knife, " _Get in the pod right now._ "

Numbly, he nodded and walked to the pod. He entered and stood, waiting for the seal without a word. Allura seemed surprised, but did not comment at his sudden obedience.

* * *

 

_Pulling. Stretching._

_An odd sensation of something moving ever so slowly across his waist._

Lance blinked. The last time he was in the healing pod, he had been trapped for nearly a varga. It was freezing cold, the sedation function hadn't been activated, and he was completely aware the entire time. He blinked again.

_Cold. Warmth seeping._

_The feeling of the walls surrounding him, only inches from his body._

The darkness prevented him from seeing anything, but he knew. He had woken up, he was still in the pod and god only knew how long he had been in there. What if the team had forgotten about him? What if the pod malfunctioned again? He knew he should have fought harder to no be put in here. He knew he should have hidden the injury better.

_A shiver. An ache._

_The wound was nearly healed, hopefully._

He was getting nervous, again. Surely, if something had happened the team would get him out of the pod. Hunk wouldn't leave him. The team needed the blue paladin. They wouldn't leave him in the pod.

_Closer. Colder._

_Chest constricting and breathing made harder, how much time had passed?_

The boy cursed himself for getting so worked up. He had probably only been in the pod for a few daboshes. He wasn't lying, per se, about the gash along his side. It would have healed just fine in a week or two. Probably deep enough that he would have gotten stitches on Earth, but it shouldn't take more than half a varga to heal up in here. He could do that. 

_One thousand, seven hundred, fifty five. One thousand, seven hundred, fifty six._

_His counting continued, nearing half a varga._

When he hit one thousand, eight hundred, Lance waited a tic before feeling a cold flush of fear fill his chest. He had been in here for at  _least_ half a varga, not counting the time before he starting keeping track. Maybe an entire varga. Maybe longer. He didn't remember the door closing, so he must have been sedated for at least a dabosh or two. Or longer. Oh god, how much longer would he be trapped in here?

* * *

Lance stumbled out of the pod a while later. Disoriented and panicked, he sat down on the floor, crossing his arms over his knees. He slowed his breathing and forced himself to calm down. Looking around, he couldn't help the feeling of disappointment at the empty room. He rested his head on his arms, sitting in the warmth of the castle and counting himself lucky for not being in the pod any longer.

It had only been a few daboshes when footsteps approached him. There was a small gasp, then Allura's voice, "Lance! Are you alright?" He could feel her hand reaching for him. Snapping his head up, Lance pulled his body away from her reach violently. Touching was not something he could handle right now.

"Don't touch me," He muttered out, his voice feeling unused and gravelly. He felt like it was just him overreacting, but he couldn't help it. The thought of someone touching him right now felt  _painful_. Allura's expression deepened into concern.

"What do you mean?" She leaned towards him, crouching slightly to get more on his level, "Do you need to go back into the pod? Did it let you out too early?" The worry was evident in her voice, but it was lost on Lance. The moment the intent to put him back in the cold trap left her lips he was livid.

Allura had never seen Lance react so strongly, or quickly to anything before. She wasn't even sure she had seen him legitimately angry, if this is what he looked like angry. " _No._ " He snarled, scrambling backwards and standing in an instant. He swayed slightly, from getting too worked up just after healing, but his adrenaline from anger and fear kept him anchored. Fists clenched and a in a stance for a fight, he added, "Don't _ever_ make me go in that goddamned thing again." His breathing had become deeper, something he immediately began monitoring.

The Princess was taken aback. There was a tic of hesitation before she nodded, still shocked at his seemingly unprovoked outburst. His hands relaxed slightly, but he did not move again until Allura left wordlessly. 

* * *

He had been in the healing pod for longer than the others. Hearing it from Pidge made it better, perhaps. Getting angry at someone he considered a younger sibling was always harder to do than the rest of the team. Though he supposed getting angry at Hunk would also be a feat.

Still, the realization that he had been in the ancient Altean device for almost a quinent shook him. He had been awake for a large part of it, he later noticed. All paladins had access to the healing logs, so it almost surprised him that nobody commented on the brain activity it had recorded from him. Remembering the log, he was ashamed at the levels of fear, panic, and general distress it had recorded. He wiped that log, leaving the others. A quick review of theirs indicated that, although Keith somehow managed to dream during his short stint, nothing was out of the ordinary. Relief was something he was always happy to feel, but it still concerned him that it was happening to him. 

Could they become immune to the healing pod? Would this affect the others eventually as well? He would have to keep a close eye on them to ensure that it wasn't going to hurt his teammates. With a sigh, he thought,  _At least it was me that it started with._

* * *

Over the next few battles, Lance remained outside of the pod. It garnered a few odd looks from the other paladins, but Allura seemed to have kept quiet about his outburst. Each time a paladin was placed in the pod, Lance was the common element. He was always there when they were put in. The seriousness with which he watched the process concerned the Princess, but she let it be. He was there the majority of the time the others were in the pod, monitoring their vitals and watching their eyes to check for movement. No matter what, though, he was  _always_ there when they were released. He checked for confusion, fear, or anxiety. He _had_ to know if they were experiencing any distress or consciousness in the pod. 

Where Allura was concerned, Coran took the Blue Paladin's observations as interest. He approached him one night and offered to teach him the inner workings of the pod and other healing equipment. His face illuminated like a Balmeran crystal at the suggestion. Not only would Coran be helping him understand why the pod had stopped sedating him, but he would also learn other ways to heal himself without a pod.

 

 

 

 


	2. Airlocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Princess has her doubts, Keith has his concerns, and Lance has gotten more anxious.

Allura had begun to keep an eye on the blue paladin. She was worried, yes, but his actions struck her as nearly suspicious as well. His lack of trust was something fairly new, and it bothered her. From the beginning of their mission, Lance had always trusted his teammates. Whether that meant blindly agreeing to an experiment conducted by Pidge and Hunk, or knowing that in the heat of battle Keith would have his back, he trusted them all.

Or rather, he _did_.

His sudden need to monitor them was gnawing at her, making doubt and suspicion grow like a deadly parasite. Each time the boy hung around the healing pods as they were calibrated, every time he double-checked the training settings, it grew. Was he worried that they couldn't work the machinery? Did he think they would lie about how they set it? Or, the thought she didn't want to consider, but felt it pushing at her more and more these days: Was he trying to interfere with the technology?

She fidgeted with a small metal ball. Judgement was not something she wanted to bring down on another paladin. The princess was downright ashamed at her behavior towards the red paladin. He had no control over his heritage, nor knowledge of it until he was dragged into a fight that wasn't his. She fully acknowledged that she had behaved improperly, acting on hurt and anger rather than the trust she should have had in the paladin she had been fighting alongside for several Earthen months. And, admittedly, she wasn't entirely sure if it was really okay to accept the forgiveness that Keith had given her. Allura knew very well how guilty the boy felt for simply existing as part Galran. Being angry at her treatment was something he probably felt like he had no right to.

And yet, she had selfishly taken his offered forgiveness without hesitation. A ticket back to the way things were before he learned about his mother, before she nearly tore the team apart with her misplaced grudge. And return it did. There was still some residual tension, but nobody wanted to jeopardize the team's ability to form Voltron.

In fact, perhaps that was what brought Lance to be so hesitant to trust the others. Allura remembered how Lance had been the angriest at her reaction. Had she sparked this distrust? She shook the thought away. It was unlikely, as Lance had been double-checking everything that everyone did, including Keith.

* * *

 

Lance wandered around the castle aimlessly. It was getting towards sleep time and he was just checking on everyone. Calling it 'sleep time' took a bit of getting used to, but in space there really is no day or night. His rounds had become routine since his last stint in the pod. Initially it was just the healing pod that he checked for malfunctions, but as time went on he slowly began inspecting all of the tech and machinery in the castle. He had already checked on almost everyone on the team, and he was headed down to the castle's maintenance corridors to double-check the fans, heaters, and air filters.

A bonus to all of his meticulous inspections, as well as Coran's teaching, was Lance's growing Altean vocabulary. He could read basic children's books, though there were only a handful in the castle, and recognized all of the symbols well enough to sound words out and ask Coran what they meant. The excitable man never turned down an opportunity to teach.

In the monitor room, he flipped up panels to look at specific functions. The temperature was good, fans and heating were functional, oxygen levels stable, and filters still in place. He nodded to himself and sighed quietly. _What the hell was he doing?_

He backed up to a wall and slid down it, coming to the floor in defeat. _What the hell am I doing?_ His thoughts swarmed his mind. On one hand, he knew he was being obsessive. He knew that he was being overly careful and that it was absolutely eating up all of his free time. Actually, it had begun to cut into his facial routine and meal times as well. On the other hand, though, he _had_ to know. He _had_ to make sure that the castle wasn't going to kill them. He needed to know, to see, with his own eyes, that everything was okay. It had gotten so bad he felt like he had to check the specs even after one of the others had just done it.

He trusted their ability, no doubt about it, but the need to see confirmation of everything being okay was overwhelming. The impulse to check told him that yes, his teammates were capable, but _what if_ they missed something, and he didn't double-check it?

All it would take is one night for the heaters to go out, and they would freeze to death. One night for the oxygen levels to plummet and they would suffocate. One miscoded line of training program and it might try to kill them again. One malfunctioning airlock switch and-

Lance froze. The airlocks. _The airlocks_. He swore loudly and pushed off the floor, scrambling to his feet as quickly as he could. He hadn't checked them yet, and it was nearly lights out. Most of the team weren't in their rooms until that time, so everyone was about to be walking through the corridor that held an airlock. His breathing hitched, no, not an airlock, _the_ airlock. The blue-eyed boy bolted out of the maintenance room and in the direction of the airlock in question.

The airlock he was trapped in the same day he was trapped in the healing pod. The main airlock that connected closest to the paladin's rooms. The airlock everyone would walk by, and the one that had already malfunctioned once.

* * *

 

He skidded to a stop as he reached the last piece of the castle he needed to check. The corridor was empty, thank god, but it would still take time to run through a complete check of the systems to the various locks within the castle. He typed away, too quickly for the realization that he was becoming more and more fluent in the Altean language, frantic in his need to reassure himself.

Footsteps went unnoticed by the hyper-focused paladin until a warm hand clasped around his. Lance stiffened instinctively. Although he was a very affectionate person, he was almost always the one that initiated contact. The hand squeezed Lance's, drawing his attention away from the machine completely. A black-gloved hand encompassed his. Keith couldn't be holding his hand, it was ridiculous. Yet, it was Keith's voice that spoke.

"Lance," the shorter boy started, his voice softer than normal, "Man, you can't keep doing this to yourself." Lance pulled his hand away and brought his chin up as a grin stretched across his face.

"What do you mean?" He asked, setting his hand on the edge of the tech's interface. He didn't want to lose his place, but he wanted to arise worry even less.

"I know you." The dark-haired boy said quietly, "And you haven't been acting like yourself. Maybe I was wrong to stay quiet for so long, but I'm worried about you and I've got to know if this is going to start affecting the team's ability to form Voltron." Hurt flashed across Lance's face for less than a tic. It was a blink-and-you-miss-it expression that made Keith's heart plummet into the pits of his gut. That wasn't the right thing to say.

Lance sighed, an uncharacteristically mild and barely noticeable one, "I won't let it." Lance knew he wasn't okay, but he'd be damned if they couldn't form Voltron because of him. All Keith got out of his response, however, was that there _was_ something wrong. So he pushed.

"Just ignoring it and hoping it goes away won't solve your problems, Lance. If there's something wrong then you need to talk to the team so that you can fix it." Lance shifted slightly away from Keith, bringing his hands to his sides defensively. Keith took this as being defensive, and he'd be _damned_ if Lance was going to continue to be self-destructive any more. "You have to think of more than just yourself here, we depend on your ability to pilot and when you're doing this to yourself we can't depend on you."

Keith's voice was suffocating him. Lance couldn't breathe, think, or keep still. He felt like he was shaking out of anger and anxiety. Maybe it was a combination of both, or his pent up frustrations from the time in space. "Sorry if I'm not _dependable_ like you, Keith." He snapped, taking step back and glaring at the other boy, "I don't need  _you_ to tell me there's something wrong with me, I don't need  _you_ to tell me I'm being selfish, and I sure as hell don't need  _you_ telling me that I haven't been communicating with the team enough."

He took a deep breath and pulled himself away from the airlock. What did he care if it trapped him in there again? The shock was evident on Keith's face, due to the outburst, surely. It reminded him of Allura's face when he snapped at her. A little too late, though, he had started now and couldn't stop here."Go tattle to your brother, mullet." His voice dropped as he looked his teammate in the eye, "But don't you _dare_  act like you care now." With that, he turned on his heel and stalked off, his hands still shaking from the rush of emotions. 

Keith was stunned for several tics, the feeling of Lance's cold hand beneath his and the look of hurt and anger on his face keeping Keith rooted in place for what felt like vargas. He felt dejected and guilty. How had Lance managed to turn his concern into a question of his capability? Perhaps Keith hadn't gone about it in a  _perfect_ way, but he didn't think it was accusatory. 

_But don't you dare act like you care now_.

It hurt to hear that, how could Lance think he didn't care?


	3. We're Here For You

After nearly a month of being unable to sleep properly, Lance had decided enough was enough. This obsession of his was not  _healthy_. He couldn't keep worrying himself sick over these things, not only was it affecting his sleep and health, but it was beginning to take its toll on the others as well. Pidge had begun to wake up in the middle of the night to check on him, they would stay up together and talk about their families. As much as Lance liked to know that he was still close to them, he considered Pidge a younger sibling and couldn't keep affecting their sleep like this.

Hunk was beyond worried, too. He had yet to do anything to try and help Lance, but the Blue Paladin knew it was only a matter of time. Hunk had a strict two week policy. Although Lance didn't know when his friend first noticed something was wrong, he knew that his two weeks to figure it out himself was running out. But the problem was, he didn't  _know_ how to help himself. He  _wanted_ to stop worrying, he  _wanted_ to place his trust in the team and the castle again, and he  _wanted_ to stop the incessant pounding in his chest that made him feel like he was in a horror movie.

He just couldn't. Not alone, anyway.

Lance walked down the hall quietly. He ignored the airlock, forced his gaze away from the training room, and tried his hardest to not even think of double checking the cryo pods. He was on a mission. He passed his room and glanced at the door. Nothing _looked_ amiss, but that didn't mean that there wasn-  **No.** He wasn't going to double check anything. Not right now.

And so he walked further down the hall, passing Keith's room without so much as a glance, and finally coming to Hunk's. He raised his hand up to knock, but hesitated. What if the team decides he's not fit to pilot? What if they deem him unable to fight at all? Would they trust him, or would they think that this sudden development was a reflection of his mental health? Would they sideline him for his anxieties?

Deep in thought and on the brink of an anxiety attack, Lance didn't even notice Hunk's door sliding open. He didn't see as Hunk watched how he cupped his face with his hands, or as his friend extended his arms out to him. Lance didn't notice Hunk's presence until he was surrounded by it, in a hug so comforting that it could have only come from Hunk.

"Hunk," He cried, his voice cracking already, "I just, I just," Lance buried his face in Hunk's chest, he didn't even know what to say. He just wanted to be held right now. Hunk's hand reached up to rest on the back of Lance's head.

"Hey," He said quietly, "I was just about to come and check on you." Lance pulled away, wiping his eyes although he hadn't fully cried. "Lance, I'll help you in any way I can. You've just got to talk to me buddy." Lance nodded.

He explained all of his worries and fears, how the cryo pod kept him awake and he could feel the healing process, how he was terrified that the castle would turn against them again and  _hurt_ someone. He spoke until he couldn't contain his emotions, until he was crying as he talked about his fear of never returning home. He stopped for a moment to let out a sob because his family thinks he's  _dead_ , and he doesn't know how he could ever return to them after putting them through that hell. 

He told his best friend about all of his concerns for Pidge, and their family, how a fourteen year old kid was out in space, fighting for their life and the universe's freedom. How it was  _his_ fault that Pidge got all wrapped up in this mess. He tells him how he can't believe he got in the blue lion and brought a fourteen year old, and all of them, to an alien warship. To a reality where they have to fight for their survival, and fighting doesn't mean that they'll win. Fighting doesn't mean they'll come home, or even live. 

Hunk listened carefully and considerately as his friend talked about how  _disgusted_ he was at how he always acted around Keith. If he likes someone so much, why can't he be a better person to him? He held his friend as he cried and yelled and vented all of his anger and fear, all of his homesickness and emotions that had built up and been hidden over the past few months.

At long last, Lance's talking and venting slowed down, his crying continued for several minutes before he finally leaned into Hunk and rested against him. Hunk shook his head. His friend has never had good coping methods, and he has always tried to repress and hide negative emotions. Even now, after all of the times that Hunk has comforted him in a similar manner back at the Garrison, he still felt the need to keep all of his burdens to himself, and take on the burdens of others. 

Hunk lifted the sleeping and burnt out Lance, hoping that his emotional exhaustion would allow him to sleep well, at least for tonight. Carrying his friend bridal style, Hunk took Lance back to his own room. Passing Keith's room, the Red Paladin encountered them as he was leaving for dinner. Lance's face was rested against Hunk's arm, but clearly visible. His entire face, especially around his eyes and nose, were tinged red from crying. His eyes were puffy and shut, concerning Keith.

"Hunk, what's wrong?" he asked, stepping in front of Hunk's path to Lance's room. He reached out to Lance, not entire sure what he was trying to do. Help? Comfort? Something, anything. Whatever he was trying to do, Hunk pulled away before Keith's hands could reach the sleeping boy.

His lips formed a taut line as he looked at Keith for a moment. "Don't touch him, he just fell asleep." Hunk moved to walk around him, but Keith stepped once more in his path, silently insisting an answer to his question. Hunk sighed, giving in a little, "He just let a lot off of his chest, okay? I'm about to call a meeting with the others, we all have some things to talk about." Keith stayed in his position for a tick, before moving to the side to let Hunk by. The yellow paladin walked past without looking back.

"I'll," Keith hesitated, then lowered his voice in consideration of Lance, "I'll gather up the others, okay?" He wasn't sure Hunk had heard him, or would respond, until the other boy looked over his shoulder and gave him a smile and a nod.

* * *

When Hunk returned to the common area, the rest were waiting expectantly. He figured Keith must have really rushed to gather everyone. It made him feel better about Lance's worries over Keith, at least. 

Allura spoke first, "Has Lance told you what's going on? I've been extremely concerned over his behavior." She looked around the room to the paladins and Coran. Everyone was more or less in agreement. Coran seemed hesitant.

"It's a bit selfish of me, I know," He said, "But aside from the negative impact his change in behavior has had, I've rather enjoyed it. He's learning so much about Altea and the language, I just really wish everything else weren't going on." He looked almost guilty, as if his enjoyment due to bonding over Altean culture enabled Lance's worsening behaviors. 

"No, no," Hunk assured him, hands waving slightly, "Lance has always been like this." Pidge pursed their lips and moved to speak, but Hunk continued, "He's never been very good at dealing with bad feelings. Worry, fear, anger, he thinks they're all bad and tries to brush them off and make himself more positive. Back in the Garrison, it wasn't so bad. He'd get like this around finals and other major tests, but it was a rare thing brought on by a lot going on. Out here, in space," Hunk gave a pained half-smile, "it's so overwhelming and he doesn't have that much of a chance to feel anything he  _wants_ to feel."

Shiro sighed, "Why didn't he come forward? Why are you the one telling us all of this?" Keith fidgeted, also eager to know the answer. Hunk rubbed the back of his neck.

"Lance got burnt out a little bit ago. He came to my room and cried for almost an hour, then pretty much passed out. I took him back to his room and came straight here." He admitted. Pidge and Coran jumped to their feet, " _Don't_." Hunk ordered, pointing in their direction, "Don't you dare go wake him up. He hasn't slept properly in god knows how long."

Pidge huffed and folded their arms, "I  _know_ he hasn't been sleeping, I've seen him out here every night for the past  _three weeks_. Hunk, you're not the only one worried about him!" They re adjusted their glasses and returned their arms to the folded position, "Everyone's been worried sick about him, and we're all a little on edge that after a month of acting weird, he's only willing to clue  _you_ in on what's going on." Their voice lowered, and became less accusing, "It hurts," they took a breath, "It hurts that he doesn't trust us enough to let us help he through this."

Hunk's shoulder's dropped, "I know, Pidge, I know." He pulled them into a hug and addressed everyone else, "That's why I had Keith gather all of you up, so I could explain a little better. He doesn't want to worry you guys, that's all. He's overwhelmed with all of  _his_ concerns, and he's just the kind of person that worries about everything for everyone  _else_ , too." He patted Pidge's head, "Like Keith," Keith perked up, listening intently, "Lance feels horrible about how he snapped at you the last time you guys talked. I'm sure he's going to have a lot to say about it, and I bet you're feeling bad enough right now that you're gonna try and tell him that it's okay." 

Nodding, Keith replied, "Of course, it doesn't matter now, so why should he feel bad about it now?" 

Hunk shrugged, and Pidge released him from their hug to return to a seat, "That's just it, he's going to feel bad about it. Probably for a while. Just let him apologize and make sure that he knows you  _forgive_ him, not that it 'doesn't matter now'" Hunk explained, making air quotes around what the Red Paladin had just said. 

Allura was beginning to feel like she was understanding Lance's behavior better now. Just to clarify, she asked, "And why has he been so meticulously checking all of our machinery? In all honesty it's making me uncomfortable."

"That's understandable," Hunk conceded, "since he's never had an interest in it really before. Do you remember when Sendak's quintessence corrupted the ship?" He asked in return. The princess nodded, allowing the yellow paladin to keep talking, "He's terrified that the castle is going to turn against us again. He also made that scene when you put him into the cryo pod because of the time he was trapped in it." 

Coran seemed confused, "But why would he be so scared, if you're barely aware of the time spent in there? Also, does that have any connection to his desire to learn about the other technology and Altean culture and language?"

Hunk answered each question as best he could, "Lance said that the last time he was in the pod, he felt everything and was aware of what was happening. Also, it does partially connect. He wanted to know the technology better so he could identify when something was wrong. The culture and language though," Hunk smiled at Coran, "He just loves history, and alien history is even better. He didn't go into that in particular, but I'm sure he was asking to learn more because he enjoyed it and wanted to keep his mind off of other things."

Once the questions settled down, Shiro stepped forward to ask the most important one, "How do we help him get through this?"

Hunk grinned, "That's what I was waiting to hear." He opened his hands out to gesture to the group, "Just be there for him, take some of the burden off of him. I'll be taking over the airlocks and kitchen to make sure nothing is wrong with any of them. He and I would appreciate it if everyone just checked the systems periodically to put his mind at ease. I'm going to start pushing him to talk more about things. He might not be as happy and social as he has been up until now, but it's going to be better for him in the long run. He can't keep ignoring all negative emotions he feels."

The team agreed, and went about their newly found duties.

* * *

Lance finally woke up after sleeping for nearly 10 vargas. He couldn't think of a time where he slept that well since he was at the Garrison. He was back in his room, and he felt much better. Still overwhelmed and still with the relentless urge to check all of the systems, but better than he did before going to see Hunk. Well enough to actually eat something, he hopes.

He made his way down to the kitchen area, where nobody was to be found. He fought the immediate reaction of wanting to check their rooms and docking bay, telling himself that his team is more than capable of taking care of themselves. He made himself a plate of food goo and ate it in silence. 

Nearly done with his plate, soft footsteps broke the static silence in the air. Lance looked up to find Keith, smiling at him. He swallowed the food in his mouth quickly and greeted his teammate, "Hey, uh Keith." His voice was quieter than normal, and upon speaking for the first time he realized it was a bit hoarse, too. "Listen, about what I said the other day, I, I'm really sorry." Keith took a seat next to Lance, and propped his elbow on the table, resting his face in his hand as he looked at Lance. It struck the blue paladin as odd, but he continued. "I never should have said that I didn't need you to call me out when there's something wrong, or that you're bad at communicating, or yelled at you in general, really." He looked down at his plate and shifted the goo around with his utensil.

Keith placed his free hand on Lance's, halting the nervous movement. Lance's eyes met Keith's again, "Lance, I know you've been overwhelmed, and I never meant to add to that. I went about it the wrong way, but what I was  _trying_ to say, is that you can depend on the team. You can depend on  _me_. I promise I'll be here for you, even if I'm absolute shit at saying it. Everything's okay now, and I'm going to make sur- Lance?" Keith's practiced lines to help make the blue paladin feel better were cut short the moment Lance's eyes started watering. "Oh, quiznack, I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

Through soft tears, Lance laughed, a relief to the boy holding his hand still, "Not at all, I'm just so, so" He laughed again, unable to keep the tears from falling, "I'm so relieved, I thought you were going to hate me, and I just couldn't stand the thought of that," he admitted.

It was Keith's turn to laugh, "I could never hate you, Lance. I've been so worried about you and it didn't make sense until you yelled at me that day. Because I  _do_ care. I care a lot about you." Lance's eyes lit up, "We all do, but I uh, I  _really_ do." 

Laughing more, a sound Keith realized how much he loved, Lance wiped his eyes and smiled at him, "I  _really_ care about you, too." He carefully leaned closer to Keith, wanting to initiate more contact than just holding hands, but worried that Keith didn't mean it  _like that_.

Keith took Lance's cue and closed the gap, brushing his lips against his teammate's and kissing him gently. Lance felt like he could _almost_ forget about his worries, which was more than enough for him. Right now, in that moment, he was in pure bliss, with a forgotten plate, hands held, and someone he could  _depend_ on. 

And that was how Pidge walked in on them, kissing like lovesick fools, " _Get a room_!"

 

 

 


End file.
